"When In The Course Of Human Events...."

Dear Readers....

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!!!

i hope all of you experience great fun, great food, and great FIREWORKS today!!!! and may we all just take a minute and thank the dear Lord for our freedom and country.

Even with all of our screwed up ways.....there's still greatness to be tapped into here, and hopefully it will shine through in the years to come!

I, for one, am HAPPY to be an American!

here's an excerpt from an online site that i found about the meaning of our COLORS.....

In the language of the Continental Congress, which defined the symbolic meanings of the colors red, white, and blue, as used in the flag, “White signifies Purity and Innocence; Red, Hardiness and Valor; and Blue, Vigilance, Perseverance and Justice.”

May we do all in our power to bring those meanings back to representing our country.

Truly.....may God bless the USA!!! =) =) =)

ANGRY RANT: Be Forewarned....

I am upset.

no....that would be putting it VERY lightly indeed, and that wouldn't work because the WHOLE FREAKIN' POINT of this blog is to eXpReSs yourself truly, so i am SCALDING HOT MAD!!!!!! and not even just MAD.....i'm ANGRY, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, DISALLUSIONED, IN PAIN, and CONFUSED.

why does life have to be so FREAKIN' INSANE??? that's IT! i feel like i'm going BLOODY INSANE....as in, losing my grip on reality. i mean....what is Reality??? who even gives a shit?

i'm in Texas. and it only goes downhill from there.
i'm alone.
i'm on my period which means that i'm losing blood as we speak for NO DAMN REASON!!!
.....this also does NOT help with my rationale or emotions!
and....i feel like using ALOT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it has been raining, no...POURING for the last THREE DAYS and i haven't been out of this DAMN house for JUST as long!
the Reads are having family problems and i'm being pushed and shoved into the middle of it!!! and, quite frankly....i am THIS CLOSE to just quitting this DAMN job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and ALL i want is to be able to buy things and have some self respect and KNOW what the HELL i'm supposed to do with this life that God , rather ridiculously, left in my care!

i miss everyone. i miss my dad, my family, my friends, my "ex" friends, and being a kid!
i've never felt so alone in my ENTIRE life. i have dozens of friends and i feel like none of them REALLY know who i really am.

i can't even get a FLIPPIN' haircut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
and they always say that writing things out helps you cope. well.....i'm only getting MORE ANGRY with every word i type!

i feel stifled. angry. unhealthy(oh, yeah....i just found out i have LOW blood pressure and i can't find out why or what to do because i'm currently without insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

so......to sum it up: i am obese, alone, unhealthy with no way to fix it, confused as to what i'm supposed to do next, being taken advantage of, and just plain unhappy!

No More.

what's the point of this thing?
i mean....i rarely ever write on it (sorry everyone!) and when i do....Brendon's the only one who cares. (thanks brendon!!!) and what i write is not really that interesting. at least....not as interesting as the stuff i come up with in the middle of the night. but who gets up in the middle of the night to write a blog post and waste precious sleeping time?? NO ONE. Ergo.....i just probably won't be writing that much on this blog anymore. however, as my closing note, i would like to say a few things.

first, these last two weeks after Easter have been fabulous! in so far as the making of new wonderful friends go.....it was top-notch. =) It's kinda making me sad to leave! or at least....it's making it more difficult. and confusing. well....at least i have one more month with them!

secondly, i am disappointed yet again. maybe my standards are too high? perhaps i am too spoiled by the riches of REAL Catholicism? or maybe i'm just too contrary for TX? whatever the root may be....the fact remains that i am disappointed. "In what?" you say. well, allow me to explain: So, yesterday was Thursday so i prepared to go to adoration at St. Rita's as they have weekly adoration and i was trying to make a habit of it. I got all excited and ended up, through various reasons, being a little bit late. and the way they do it is to have the first 1/2 hour be a reading, a responsorial psalm, the gospel, and a homily; with the last 1/2 hour being silent meditation and then ending with benediction. so i showed up as the lady was finishing the reading. that's when it all happened.
after the reading, this lady got up and instead of reading a psalm, she ended up reading some "love the earth" letter or something. as if that wasn't enough to make me start questioning...the deacon got up and instead of reading the gospel and THEN giving his homily....he went straight to the homily and started talking about how we need to take better care of the earth. now, i'm not saying that that is necessarily a bad thing, i think we SHOULD take better care of it, but why was it a homily/meditation in ADORATION??? couldn't they just write a notice in the bulletin? now, you might think that that was it. WRONG! it got worse. after his "homily"....he had everyone follow him in chanting, almost like a responsorial psalm, "we join with the earth, and with each other". what the HECK??????? is anyone else gettin' red flags going up?? well, at that point i just got up and left. i'm sorry....if they're gonna turn adoration into some sort of hippie commune, feel-good, join-with-the-earth field day, then i'm out.

so much for St. Rita's.

in other better news....Theo Ferrant is down visiting us this weekend.....YAY!!!! i didn't realize until i saw her, how much i miss having her around. i love the Ave community. you guys(and girls) ROCK!!!

Short Post: more later....

hi my dear readers!


well.....i'm now in my second day, coming off of a splendid high of a great weekend. (that will be an entirely DIFFERENT and SEPARATE post). and now in my reflection i can better understand why people get hooked on drugs. i mean.....the high once experienced, is only craved more and more! my life has been recently categorized as a life of sedentry, with the occasional(sometimes monthly) high of a trip to see family or friends. which then leaves me only the more unsatisfied. WHY???? why can't i just be normal and accept that i'm not in college surrounded by my nearest and dearest? and that i'm not only NOT there anymore, but we're ALL scattered and in different places??? what is SO bad about that???
and yet, every few days or so.....i end up getting in this complete funk of reminiscing and self-pity. when in all reality.....i have it pretty good! i have a good job (albeit a stressful one) that pays for pretty much ALL my expenses, which i'm quickly learning, is not really teaching me the best saving skills.

argh. anywho, the point of all this is merely to have it flow from a muddled mess in my head to a muddled mess NOT in my head. on a side note, it's actually getting a little pretty here with all the trees and grass growing green. almost normal. however.....the ginormous bugs prevail and bring me back to reality of this being NOT normal. i believe that oversized and really dangerous bugs are the direct result of original sin.

whatever. i'm in a funk now, so i'm gonna watch some tv to unwind and then go to bed early.......hopefully. cheers.

Prayers!!!

Dear Readers,
please pray for the soul of Mary Jacuith and the Jacuith family. Mary is Dave's little sister, and was thrown from her horse on St. Patrick's day. She sustained multiple injuries to her brain and passed from this life around 1pm today, March 18th, 2007. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon her.

ARGHHH: Complaining

Lettori cari,

in case you were wondering....that means "dear readers" in Italian.
i apologize for not updating sooner, or as frequent as i used to update. although....i have said time and time again......i'm not a writer. so for me, i usually don't feel like there's anything TO write about! also, i'm noticing the slightly disturbing and slightly more annoying trend that i only have writing revelations between 11pm- 1am as i'm trying to desperately go to sleep. i guess, as rationale for such an annoyance, that that is my quiet time at the end of the day when i think over the day's happenings, and when everything turns off and my mind is set free.
now, don't(or do, i don't really care) think me odd, but i *almost* enjoy it. it's almost my juicy time of day/night to let my imagination loose and concieve of all the possible good things that could or should happen to me. on the right night, i take delight in those hours and relish in all my fancies. however, there's always the catch of a bad night, when all your fears and insecurities combine to create the most unfathomable nightmares. quite hideous, in fact.
but when they're good.....they're really good.
and, of course, it's always the time of night that you hit on exactly the right wording for what's going through your mind. i'm telling ya....one of these nights i'm going to just get up(regardless of the time) and jot my ideas down. the gain of having said something perfectly-- in this world where i am so often misunderstood-- might be enough to triumph over the loss of sleep that would incur from having gotten up. we shall see.

on an entirely different note.....
i had a simply great weekend. we didn't do anything in particular, but what we did....we did well. it was, simply put: very fun. Angel has become a source of almost endless amusement to me. the weekend included, but was not limited to: the movie "300"(which was good, but more nudity than was required or needed), shopping for much needed clothes for Sean and Meghan, Mass, sleeping in, playing cards, and eating cake. all in all.....quite exactly what i needed. the weather was sublime, the alcohol = top-notch, and the company: desirable.

ok mes amies. i'm tired and finished for today.

What's New?

Dear Readers,
LOVE. i realized that i'm totally in love with the idea of love. in all it's forms, i love LOVE. i also realized that i have a habit of living vicariously through my friends happiness. is it supreme desire for that in my life? or is it true empathy? or perhaps a little of both?
oh, and by the way....i apologize for the randomness of this post: i've just had a lot of thoughts and emotions running, swimming and erupting in my mind these past few weeks, so here's the result.
the one thing i LOVE about Texas(and it IS the only thing so far) is it's open sky. i know it's the same sky and all, but you can see so much more of it down here! and i know you all think i'm some sort of sky freak, but it's amazing how free it can make you feel!
- i think Lent this year is going to be REALLY good. i'm really pumped for it, and i only hope that this pumped feeling lasts longer than tomorrow. =) my goal is to get in shape this Lent: spiritually and physically.
- i decided i'm gonna try and take charge a little more. more for myself than anyone else, but who knows? i'm gonna really try and take life by the horns and really LIVE. i want people to say at my funeral, "gee....that woman really knew how to enjoy life!"
- i'm sitting in on a Jane Austen class at UD and i am LOVING it!!! Jane Austen really is much more clever than most people give her credit for these days. plus, my teacher is like the Dr. Izzo of Jane Austen and she just makes it a joy to be in her class.
- i'm also thinking of taking cosmotology classes and calligraphy classes(with Ruthie) too. to expand my horizons and also to keep us busy. =)
- today is BEAUTIFUL!!!!! i know most of you will hate me when i say this, but it MUST be said: it's about 70 degrees and wonderfullly breezy today!!! truly a day meant to be spent outside!

ok, i'm outtie and out!


my love to you all and gratitude for the prayers!

True Love RIP

Dear readers,

I don't mean to be depressing or anything, but i would like to take this post and honor my hero, my superman/batman/spiderman/robin hood/any other super hero: my dad. I'm doing this today for two reasons: first, because it was on this day last year that my dad disappeared. and second....because i can think of no one man who has exemplified pure and simple love more to me in his life than him. i think he is the best example of St. Therese's Little Way(other than herself, of course). He was a walking contradiction of stubbornness and humility that....just....worked. He wasn't a big social butterfly, but he was the kind of man who made you feel special and really good inside, just by saying "Hello". He was a perfectionist, and as such....only laughed at his own jokes. =) but when he laughed.....well, let's just say that's where my laugh comes from. =) he was the epitome of a childlike faith, so innocent, so trusting, and yet....so firm. i don't think a day passed where i didn't see him with his rosary in hand, praying. not to mention daily mass. he took GREAT pride in his work, and considered it not only a job, but an art form. for him it was work AND a release of creativity. he was one of those rare people who still have a twinkle in their eye. he knew most everyone in the Ann Arbor area, and even if he didn't know you, he still would say hi to everyone he crossed paths with.
my one regret is that i didn't get to say goodbye. so.....here's my attempt now:
I love you Dad, and i miss you so much.

PicturesPicturesPictures

and there you have it. my Christmas break in pictures. I'll try and find something to update about soon. hopefully it won't take too long. =P

Christmas Break:Best Friends EVER: Memories

Dear readers,

while i could possibly attempt to explain the total and complete awesomeness that was my break and are my friends......it wouldn't even come close to the truth. the truth is....that on New Year's Eve, as we celebrated the entrance into a brand new year....i found myself almost as if i were looking in through a window at my friends celebrating, and the thought of how blessed i was to have such friends and to actually welcome in the new year with PRAYER, led me to tears of joy and thanksgiving. so much so that i had to remove myself for a few moments to recollect. so, now hopefully you can see how i am utterly unable to recount such a trip in a narrative, and must only post these pics that come as close as possible to capturing it all. to all of you, my friends and family: i love you dearly. enjoy.

ok. so my computer is being stupid. pictures will follow. i promise.