Wednesday, June 27, 2007

ANGRY RANT: Be Forewarned....

I am upset.

no....that would be putting it VERY lightly indeed, and that wouldn't work because the WHOLE FREAKIN' POINT of this blog is to eXpReSs yourself truly, so i am SCALDING HOT MAD!!!!!! and not even just MAD.....i'm ANGRY, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, DISALLUSIONED, IN PAIN, and CONFUSED.

why does life have to be so FREAKIN' INSANE??? that's IT! i feel like i'm going BLOODY in, losing my grip on reality. i mean....what is Reality??? who even gives a shit?

i'm in Texas. and it only goes downhill from there.
i'm alone.
i'm on my period which means that i'm losing blood as we speak for NO DAMN REASON!!!
.....this also does NOT help with my rationale or emotions!
and....i feel like using ALOT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it has been raining, no...POURING for the last THREE DAYS and i haven't been out of this DAMN house for JUST as long!
the Reads are having family problems and i'm being pushed and shoved into the middle of it!!! and, quite frankly....i am THIS CLOSE to just quitting this DAMN job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and ALL i want is to be able to buy things and have some self respect and KNOW what the HELL i'm supposed to do with this life that God , rather ridiculously, left in my care!

i miss everyone. i miss my dad, my family, my friends, my "ex" friends, and being a kid!
i've never felt so alone in my ENTIRE life. i have dozens of friends and i feel like none of them REALLY know who i really am.

i can't even get a FLIPPIN' haircut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
and they always say that writing things out helps you cope. well.....i'm only getting MORE ANGRY with every word i type!

i feel stifled. angry. unhealthy(oh, yeah....i just found out i have LOW blood pressure and i can't find out why or what to do because i'm currently without insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). sum it up: i am obese, alone, unhealthy with no way to fix it, confused as to what i'm supposed to do next, being taken advantage of, and just plain unhappy!